Honouring your parents and treating them with a special respect is one of the most important mitzvahs, and according to the Talmud this responsibility extends to the extreme.

The Talmud shares that the sage Rabbi Tarfon’s mother lost her shoes so he placed his hands under her feet so they won’t get dirty. When this episode was shared with the sages in the house of study they said that this act, great as it was, doesn’t even reach half of the honour due to one’s parents.

Why is this Mitzvah so important?

Two general reasons are given:

1) Gratitude is paramount – your parents raised you, fed you clothed and sheltered you, nurtured you, educated you etc especially at an age when you couldn’t do it yourself, therefore you must show your ongoing appreciation.

2) Recognise your source: your parents together with God – as partners – brought you into existence. You must recognise the origin of your life.

The Ramban cites the second reason above and says that when you honour your parents you are mostly honouring God, because the parents’ input into creating a child is quite minimal, God does most of it. Husband and wife get together and after nine months a child is born! The outcome doesn’t match the effort. 

According to this second reason, even if your parents didn’t nurture you the way parents should, you must still honour and respect them because they still brought you into the world and you owe them your existence.

Parents who cause ongoing harm to their children may be an exception to the rule.

Shabbat Shalom!

Chaim & Dina